The ones who know me well, know that, besides my joy, my light and my laughter, I have my dark periods. And with dark I mean: restless, dreamy, sad, tired, angry, bored, alone. I ask myself questions like: why are we here? Where do we come from? What do we have to do? And what is the meaning of it all? Why are we doing things like this? Where are we going?
And oh boy, I am in deep the last couple of weeks!
The interesting part about these questions is that I can ask them with 2 intentions. One of these intentions is asking these questions with wonder, with curiosity, and joy. With an awareness, with an everlasting urge to know it all and to share it with you after I found the answer.
The other intention is the dark and deep one. The sad one. The one without curiosity and joy but with desire, fear and no trust. Why AM I here? What is the meaning of it all? Why are we doing the things like we do it? And, how do get out of this place? Am I doing anything right? What is my path? Where do I have to go? How can I run away from this place and from myself?Where can I find rest if it’s not here?
Can you feel the energy shift between the two intentions?
I always know that the one with sadness is followed by the one with joy, and the other way around. It’s like the circle of life. I know the light comes back and that is what helps me go through it, and give meaning to it. To find a reason why I have these dark days.
I know these dark days help me understand it all on a deeper level, and also help me make creations which can help you give words and meaning to dark feelings too. I can sing and use my voice to share.
It’s just… some days I don’t want to sing, I don’t want to share. These days I want to run, shout, scream, move. Use my body to burst out, to break free. Free from what?
Free from my mind I guess.
I have to push myself to write and to sing, because writing and singing help me to stay, to ground, to FEEL, to heal and to share with you. Writing and singing help me to go from the ugliness of these bad days to the beauty if it. To go from cocooning to sharing that I have my dark days too, and that these dark days are fucking beautiful.
Because guess what: darkness isn’t bad, wrong or something we have to run away from. It’s where your deepest desires, fears and knowledge about yourself lie, and if you dare to go there, to your darkness, and to rest in your dark days, you will grow, connect and heal.
And yes this was also a piece to heal myself, to tell myself: you are okay. I am okay.
Darkness and light cannot exist without each other. And my darkness is as beautiful as my light.
My darkness is here for a reason. It’s here to help you acknowledge yours, to help you embrace yours. So that we can heal and grow together.
So here’s to darkness and to light, may you always be with me, with us, and may you always help us to see the beauty of it all.